Could Bengaluru be India’s ‘kink capital’?

With a host of kink and pleasure events being held in Bengaluru, the city is slowly gaining a reputation for being the most accepting of alternative lifestyles in India

When Aatrey, a 32-year-old investment banker based in Bengaluru, attended India's first kink convention in April this year, he embarked on an experience filled with uncertainty. The invite-only event, hosted by the Kinky Collective in Goa, brought together around 80-85 kink enthusiasts from across the nation. Aatrey, who had long been fascinated by foot fetishism, found the event to be a liberating space. Despite his previous challenges introducing this interest in his intimate relationships, the event allowed him to explore and indulge in foot play, providing a refreshing departure from the conventional expectations of penetration as the ultimate goal of intimacy.

Aatrey, who originally hails from Hyderabad, reflects on the rigid societal norms surrounding intimacy and acknowledges the diversity of desires among individuals. For him, sensual arousal and the worship of a woman's feet are the primary sources of satisfaction. The Kinky Collective, initiated in 2011 by like-minded kinksters aiming to dispel taboos and misconceptions, facilitated an environment where Aatrey felt sexually invigorated. During the event in Goa, he engaged in foot play, offered foot massages to women, and even experienced being walked on by a dominatrix.

Sex-positive city

Despite the geographical distance, Aatrey has actively sought out similar kink events in Bengaluru, marking a notable shift in his social and sexual engagement. He attests to the growing prevalence of kink-related gatherings in the city, providing a platform for kinksters and those curious about kink to explore diverse expressions of sexuality that go beyond penetrative intercourse. According to Aatrey, this shift has led him to attend more events in 2023 than in previous years, fostering a sense of community among individuals who share an interest in alternative expressions of sexual pleasure.

While there is no definitive data that supports the notion that Bengaluru is transforming into India's “kink capital”, there have been observable developments within the city that lend credence to this idea. A report from Bangalore Mirrorin 2017 highlighted the presence of Kinky Bangalore, an initiative founded by three enthusiasts catering to individuals interested in bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). The report notes that, in 2017, the community boasted a membership of over 500 people in Bengaluru, convening at monthly meetings.

A ground report

Official Kinky Bangalore, which had its unofficial inception in 2007 with a gathering of three individuals at a pub on Bannerghatta Road at the time, had evolved into a vibrant community hosting regular "munches" (a casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in kink, BDSM, and alternative relationship lifestyles). These gatherings, held at pubs or restaurants as announced on their online forum, serve as a platform for members to come together and engage in discussions about their kinks and everyday lives. The increasing participation in these events suggests a growing interest and openness within the community, contributing to the perception that Bengaluru may gradually be emerging as a hub for alternative lifestyles and expressions of sexuality.

Shining a spotlight

Ancilla L of Ancillary Kink Support—which provides content on kink and sexuality—says apart from Official Kinky Bangalore (both borne out of Fetlife, which is where the entirety of the scene lives), there are other groups that have come to be over the past year. "They mostly do 'munches' and one rope workshop. Then there are national organisations like Kinky Collective and The Intimacy Curator that have started doing some events in Bengaluru. Meanwhile The Intimacy Curator is organising Vanilla Disrupted, a community event for those who are either kinky or curious about kinks, fetishes and BDSM. Now, the events done by groups like The Intimacy Curator pull crowds that are curious about kink, whereas the others are usually focused on extant members of the community," she says. 

Kinky Collective will be hosting 'Erotic Edge', a screening of films on the subject of rope bondage, shibari (a sex practice exclusively using ropes) between 24-26 November in Kolkata and in Bengaluru between 8-10 December. 

The migration effect

Preliminary research for this article has uncovered intriguing insights that may contribute to the growing interest in hosting kink events in cities such as Bengaluru. Notably, Bengaluru stands out as a city with a significant migrant population. According to the 2011 census, four out of every 10 people in Bengaluru are migrants. A 2019 report from TheTimes of India emphasised the extent of this demographic shift, revealing that nearly half of Bengaluru's residents, totalling 44.3 lakh individuals, are migrants, constituting a substantial 50.6 per cent of the city's total population. This figure represents more than a twofold increase from the previous census, which recorded a migrant population of 20.8 lakh. Impressively, the influx of migrants into the city has more than doubled compared to those migrating out of Karnataka, with 44.3 lakh people moving in contrasting with 25 lakh migrating out. The dynamic nature of Bengaluru's population, marked by a substantial influx of newcomers, likely contributes to the city's diverse and evolving cultural landscape, fostering an environment conducive to the exploration of alternative lifestyles and sexual expressions, such as those found in the kink community.

"Bangalore does have a more tolerant and acceptable vibe in terms of sexuality, so yes, you can say that it is a more open space for kinksters in terms of social acceptance but you have to consider that it's also because of the nature of the city and its population, the social demographics of participants, among other reasons," says Ancilla L, adding that in her experience of exploring Bengaluru, the locals are much less accepting than those in say, Mumbai. "It's much harder to find safe spaces for events; it's much harder even to do it in your own home. I was asked to vacate multiple flats for moral reasons, both queer-related and sexuality-related," she says. 

Pleasure point

Sexuality coach and the founder of Get Intimacy, Pallavi Barnwal, initially visited Bengaluru for corporate engagements and discovered a genuine fondness for the city. Subsequently, she began hosting sexuality and tantric workshops in Bengaluru, starting around 2021-22. To her surprise, Barnwal found significant interest from the local community. Reflecting on her earlier experiences, she mentioned conducting similar activities in Mumbai due to her romantic involvement with someone there. The logistical convenience of having someone manage things in Mumbai led her to conduct regular workshops in both Mumbai and Delhi. However, the turnout in those cities was consistently lukewarm, barely allowing her to break even. Therefore, the unexpected success in Bengaluru came as a pleasant revelation for Barnwal.

"Approximately 25 people attended the first workshop in Bengaluru, which was unexpected given the nature of my workshops. Notably, my workshops are priced higher,  a ticket costing ₹5,000. The turnout was more than in other cities, notably Mumbai and Delhi," she says. Since the first workshop, Barnwal has hosted two more within a year. 

"A number of the attendees also flew in from neighbouring cities like Chennai and Hyderabad to attend the workshops in Bengaluru. This phenomenon might be attributed to the city's strategic location, serving as a central point accessible to individuals from various cities in South India. Unlike Mumbai, which is geographically distant from cities like Delhi, Bengaluru provides a more convenient travel hub for those in the southern region," says Barnwal.

Barnwal also believes there's an openness and willingness of individuals in Bengaluru to share their intimate stories, especially concerning sensitive matters like sexless marriages or challenges in finding a partner, underscoring the importance of creating a safe and supportive space for such conversations.

"The fact that people come to the forum seeking advice on how to navigate these personal challenges speaks to the understanding that sexuality is a multifaceted and often complex aspect of our lives. It's notable that individuals are willing to share vulnerabilities and seek guidance, indicating a level of trust and comfort within the community. The willingness of women in Bengaluru to be vocal about their experiences with limited sexuality or struggles within their marriages surprised me. It reflects a growing awareness and desire for dialogue around these topics," she says. 

The kink scene

Mumbai-based The Intimacy Curator has also been tapping into the Bengaluru kink scene for some time now, hosting events that explore non-monogamous dating. The dating, relationship and intimacy coaching service, apart from hosting Vanilla Disrupted (mentioned earlier in this article) in the city, will also be hosting a Swingers Ball (an event for couples who are curious about swinging) and Dommeverse, a female-dominated experience where those who identify as women are glorious and always in control. These will be held in Bengaluru, Mumbai and Delhi. "All orientations and genders are welcome (for Dommeverse), but all scenes must be femme-led. There will be a set-up of multiple chambers that will cater to different fantasies," says Aili Seghetti, a dominatrix, consumer researcher, intimacy coach, and founder of The Intimacy Curator.

Seghetti says the response in Bengaluru for events is more positive than Delhi's, attributing it to the city's demographic makeup. "The influx of people from diverse backgrounds, especially young individuals, contributes to a more open and accepting atmosphere. Being in a city where many come from outside might create an environment where people feel freer to explore alternative lifestyles and engage in open conversations about sensitive topics," she says. 

The sense of anonymity or detachment that comes with not being originally from the place could make individuals more comfortable expressing their desires, challenges, and seeking guidance on intimate matters. It highlights the impact of a city's cultural diversity and its role in fostering a more accepting and open-minded community, says Seghetti. 

Women come front and centre

Ideally, when organising events, The Intimacy Curator aims for a balanced gender representation, striving for approximately a 60-40 per cent ratio of men to women. This visual balance is essential for the overall event dynamic. "For instance, when dealing with applications in Mumbai, we typically receive around 300 to 400 submissions from individuals identifying as men, whereas the number of applications from women tends to range from 30 to 40. In contrast, applications in Bengaluru already exhibit a nearly equal distribution between genders, with approximately half of the applicants being women. The vetting process plays a crucial role in maintaining this balance," says Seghetti, adding that they find that women, in general, demonstrate a greater awareness of concepts such as consent, asexuality, and gender pronouns. Consequently, their vetting process ensures that participants are well-informed about these aspects before attending an event. As a result of these efforts, they have consistently observed a positive outcome, with a substantial 50 per cent of women actively participating in events held in Bengaluru, contributing to a diverse and inclusive atmosphere with an attendance ranging between 60 to 200 women. 

Refuting the notion

Nevertheless, within the sex-positive environment of Bengaluru, some of the respondents express reservations about categorising cities demographically according to attendance or specific kink interests. This classification proves challenging due to the clandestine nature of the community, making it difficult to ascertain and represent such demographics accurately.

"Munches in Delhi have an average of 40-70 attendees, in Mumbai it's about the same, comparatively Bengaluru has fewer people," says Ancilla L, adding: "If you go by the volume of kinksters, Delhi has the most. I have been attending kink events in India for 12 years, they exist in most big cities (Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Bengaluru) but in Delhi for the longest period of time. If, by kink capital you mean most play parties, it is hard to say where the capital is. I have lived in Bengaluru, Mumbai and Delhi, and been involved in the scene in all three places. Bengaluru has some things like an underground dungeon, but it is common knowledge in the community that it's run by a raving predator," she says. 

Joy from the Kinky Collective, which has not held a kink event in Bengaluru yet, says there is no concrete evidence supporting the notion that the city has a higher prevalence of kinksters. "Any suggestion to that effect is mere speculation. Each city possesses its distinctive kink identity, with the level of activity among kinksters varying due to various socio-cultural factors. It is important to recognise that there is nothing inherently exceptional about any specific city when it comes to kink communities having a greater presence than others," they say. 

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